I went over there thinking I knew exactly what I wanted and how to get it. But when I came back I realized how little I actually know and how my plans usually fail and leave me feeling dissatisfied. London gave me the chance to dream again.
Okay moving on from London...today I went to the park and played on the swings. I love swings! The sky was perfect today! Full of big, puffy clouds and the sun playing peek-a-boo behind all those gorgeous clouds. When I am on a swing, I feel as if I am souring straight into the sky. I think it is the closest I will ever get to flying in this life.
Being on swings takes me back to this innocent place. It is just God and me. Nothing else matters. No one else matters. Today I realized how fortunate I am to be where I am. In the car coming home from the dentist (yuck! Even though I am not one for cavities I hate the dentists! It is just sitting there and doing nothing...yea not really for me!) I heard His voice calling me away to join Him in the park. Sometimes I wish I could look down at my phone and see the new text message alert and when I view it that I have new text message from Jesus. Yet I have something so much better. His heart runs straight to mine. It is like an invisible version of that game where you have two cups attached with a string and the participants can hear one another from one cup to the other. In that game when you get too close to the other person the string lags and the two can no longer hear one another through the cups, and that is usually because they are situated too close together. That is how it is with God and me. Sometimes I can hear His Voice resound in my heart so clear and other times when I truly need Him I don't Hear His voice, but those are the moments when He lets the string lose its tightness so He can move closer to me and take me in His arms.
When I got to the park I walked toward the swings and as soon as I sat on it I was wrapped in His love. I know how vague a statement that is, so I will do my best to describe it in words (Warning: I will fail miserably in this task! P.S. Isn't it awesome how all fail miserably in attempting to put God's love for us in words?!) Everyone's comparison will be different, but for me the feeling resembles how I feel when I am excited about something. I get giddy and start to giggle and smile. Another example that is a bit more personal: you know when you first start to like someone, you start getting antsy when you are around him (writing form the perspective of a girl cause that is what I am :)? You find yourself going to events or places just because you find out they might be there. You just want to be around them as much as humanly possible because you feel alive in that person's presence. So many emotions and feelings run wild. One second you are super excited, then anxiety sets in because you start to wonder if he will really be there and, most importantly, if he will notice you. Okay that feeling of being acknowledged in the most guaranteeing way is what I felt today. I felt beautiful and irreplaceable, which is really what every girl wants to feel (Side note: all that feminist crap is exactly that: crap! Many of the principles are an attempt to appease broken hearts and shattered faces). The King of the Universe who could have any young woman chose to spend an afternoon with insignificant me, and in the process made me significant. So much of the time I forget this. I forget that I am living out the ultimate romance. Anyways, I just wanted to share that with whoever decides to read this blog. I truly believe that God wants to have moments like this with all of us. He wants to be the hero, not just in general. He wants to be each individual's personal Savior.
So basically my life is awesome! For the first two months of this semesterI focused so much on...well....ME! To tell you the truth I am so over me! And guess what?! Once I stopped thinking about me life became FANTASTIC!!! Each day I look for something special to do for another person. Whether it is writing notes or text messages to friends or family members just to share how much they mean to me (I love, love, love doing this! Have I told you that I LOVE doing this?! lol), talking with the sales associate at Walmart about something more substantial than how we both feel at the given moment (by the way the response is always, "I am doing well" because most people don't care about the response. Just another side note!), basically anything that lets another person know "I see you and love you, and more importantly Jesus sees and loves you." I share this with you not because I am the new Mother Theresa. Mother Theresa wasn't even Mother Theresa! No one is perfect, all face plant before the cross. Jesus loves me so much that I have all this love to pour into people's lives. Without Him I would be on a very unsatisfactory journey of just trying to fill my own thirst for love and acceptance. However, with Him I have the ability to share with all! Also me giving isn't really an unselfish task. I love that high feeling I get after giving some of my love away. It is the best adrenaline rush ever!
So much is happening in my life, and I will need to write more journal entries and postings so I can remember this time and cherish it.
posted by Sarah @ 2:38 AM
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