Perspective
I'm learning that postive and negative images impact my moods for better or for worse. People, including myself, today focus too much on the negative. Go ahead turn on television. Whether it is a newstation or a television show, television is the perfect example of the world's downward spiral. Most lives are not like what is depicted on the small or large screen, but most of our ideas of people come from them. Even worse some of the things we witness on that screen seem so real that it in a small way it feels like it is actually happening to us.
For one of my college classes I was required to watch a film that still remains in my mind. The images projected on the screen were ugly and demeaning. One of the immigrant women in the film is forced to subcomb to a degrading form of sexual intimacy. After seeing these images I left angry and wounded. I am not a desensitized individual, which I feel is the goal of Hollywood. More violence occurs around the world and Hollywood films get more and more graphic.
Images are powerful, and just as they are used for evil, they are also used to do tremendous good. In high school I remember seeing a church a video on some of the happenings of home-group churches in China. In one of the clips there was a young teenage girl, probably 14, looking from one book to another and writing in the second. She was translating a Bible! That put I Timothy 4:12 into action. After leaving church I felt empowered to change the world, even if it was only a small town in Florida. That night I realized something that still leaves me astonished to God there is no
only. The people in small town USA have as much value as the aborigines on the Australian outback. As much value as the kings, queens, presidents, and rulers of all kingdoms. People are people. He loves them all because they are His. I think back to some of the old dolls I had as a kid. They were colored on and broken in places. One in particular was named Susie. I loved her simply because she was mine. I didn't say how battered she looked or how crayon all over her arms and legs might be unflattering or how dragging her around by the hair might be problematic over time. When my parents wanted to get rid of her, I wouldn't hear of it. God loves us simply because we are His. When others think why does He still want us around after life has left us with unbearable scars, God turns our brokenness into the opportunity for a new beginning.
Lately I have had to catch myself because it is really easy for me to be negative. Over time it seems easier to distrust God than to be patient and believe in His promises. I have this theory that if you are named after a biblical character somehow that person struggles with a similar struggle to the original. When I say similar struggles, I don't mean that all Josephs will be thrown into a pit and have their colorful coat taken away or all Daniels will be put into a den with lions (unless you are on a discovery channel show because then you just might). For example, I am named Sarah, so though God has promised me great things as His girl, after many years of waiting I distrust Him and believe that patience is overrated. Also, I have this horrible habit of laughing at what He promises me. Yea, I read how Sarah did this too when God told Abraham and her that she would have a son, hence why they named their son Isaac, which means laughter. Everything in life is how you look at it. In a world constantly changing and spinning around and around, our vision gets distorted and we are sick at the thought one more thing spinning out of our control. After many years of trying to control my walk with God I realize that maybe it is time I step back and let Him lead. Christians can't control God, we aren't meant to. Instead of trying to control Him I am going to enjoy His wild strength and beauty. For even though He can't be tamed, He has His beloveds' best interests at heart.
Me being me aka longwinded :)
We live in a distorted state of reality. Appearances are deceptive, yet young boys and girl today are told to rely on that when making relationship decisions. Before reading the lyrics to Hannah Montana’s latest hit “He Could Be the One,” I thought I might find something meaningful (yes I realize I am talking about Hannah Montana) about why she is labeling this guy “the one.” Unfortunately, all of his qualifications were based on how his looks affected her feelings. His smile is all the criteria she needs to consider him the ‘one.’
Labeling a guy the ‘one’ is a big deal for me. I have met quite a few guys that have had some amazing smiles and when I was around them I felt giddy, but I would not go so far as to label any of them the ‘one.’ Lately I have put a lot of emphasis on my feelings and that isn’t wise. In my high school small group the leader described relationships in the metaphor of a train. Facts should be at the front and feelings should serve as the caboose. It shows how feelings should weigh in, but they shouldn’t be the leading factor.
When I turn on the television I am confronted by images that tell me to forget facts and go with my biased (and often misleading/destructive) feelings. On Oprah women confess to just waking up and looking over at their husbands and realizing they aren’t in love or what they real mean is they aren’t feeling the exhilarating effects of love anymore. My advice: Get some more shut eye and you might just wake up with a different perspective. From children, thanks to a not a very well known company called Disney (sarcastic. Disney is like the Morgan Freeman of companies. It is everywhere!) we are geared to “follow our hearts.” What does that even mean? If our hearts are grounded in truth, then I completely agree with follow your heart, but if your heart is anything like mine you are facing conflicts on what actual truth looks like compared with what is made to look like truth.
Basically my point is the media and Hollywood’s perception of love, body image, normalcy, etc. is all a myth. Today in mass media I knew that airbrushing is a big thing in the magazine world, but listening to my classmates discuss it was a new experience. One of them is a wedding photographer and he talked about how brides want certain things removed from their pictures like a freckle over her mouth. I can see the benefits of having your teeth whitened, but having her eyes made bigger or having that freckle over her mouth removed is just wrong. As the discussion got more heated, he said what is wrong with wanting to look your best? Yet, it is not really you. When I look back at pictures of myself as a kid, I wish there was photoshop. My mom had an obsession with putting me in pants that competed with Steve Urkel’s high waisted look and I was not comfortable with my height so I hunched. However, in all honesty I love those pictures because they are of me! I don’t care that they are awkward. They tell a story about who I was in that moment. Photoshop definitely has its time and place, but I don’t think it should be used anymore to build up the impossible standard of beauty. Beauty comes in an array of colors, sizes, and shapes.
The same goes for love. Love isn’t about looking like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie together. Being picture perfect doesn’t mean that couples have what it takes to make it. Love is about going beyond your feelings. It doesn’t go away overnight. Love is a choice. It is about commitment. I love God, but I don’t always feel it. Sometimes I feel separated from Him and like He isn’t even hearing me, but then He will do something that blows my mind like responding to a prayer request a few minutes after I prayed for an answer. I could make the choice to wake up tomorrow and look at our relationship and leave; however, I choose to stay in love with God and do my part to keep our relationship alive. Fairy tales end after the wedding. They don’t talk about the work it takes in reality to keep a love relationship strong. The funny thing, well not really funny, is that I am in a relationship with the perfect, the ultimate “One” and I’ll be completely honest that it is really difficult at times not to just call it quits. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me and I forget the facts. The facts are Jesus did something called dying for me and not just me but the entire world; yet, I am sad to say I ask Him everyday to reveal His love for me. I forget about the times when He held me when my friends decided it was convenient to be friends with me. He laughs with me when I hear myself saying something ridiculous ( I like dresses from Primemark, when I find dresses I like). He knows me better than I know myself, yet I find it hard to not compare us to the fairy tale. Maybe it is about time I put away the notions of Disney films, and pick up the ultimate anthology of love, The Bible.
Everybody has that person he/she tries to emulate, especially when you are a child. As a kid I don’t remember trying on my mother’s high heels or taking her boldest lipstick and smearing it on my face. I didn’t see the physical as how a woman was a woman. Yes, I knew then that men and women had different body parts than one another, but I didn’t think that heels made the women who wore them beautiful. A hidden, mysterious quality made them lovely and irreplaceable in this world.
Actually it is quite humorous because I associated guys more with the physical. I remember watching my dad shave his face once, so when I was 8 I gave it a go. Luckily I didn’t do too much damage. As a kid I admired the men in my life for their physical strength. They could do things that my body was too little or skinny to do. When my younger brother was in Pre-K he told all his fellow classmates that my dad lifted 30 tubs at work that day…all at once! Yes, my dad did lift 30 tubs at work, but not all at once; however, that idea never entered my brother’s head. Some girls are not as blessed to have a father, who can show them the joys of growing into a woman. At 13 I was so awkward and moody. My God was I moody! Personally, I’d rather a kid stay 2 for 2 years than have to raise a girl at 13. I cried at the drop of the hat and I am not just talking figuratively. During that time my dad demonstrated his spiritual strength, which I learned was even more valuable than his physical. I love that my dad has physical strength, but I love it more that he ‘weight-trained’ me spiritually. He would look up Bible verses for me and one time after a huge fight with a friend he gave me a card that just reminded me to lean on Christ through the trials. It made me feel special for who I was in that moment, and not who I might transform into.
My dad is always going to be the first guy that loves me as me. He doesn’t expect me to pound make-up on my face or dress to the nines. He loves me sitting on the couch laughing my head off at something absolutely ridiculous. He loves me when I call home and question what it is God wants me to do with my life. I know that because of my father I was able to have a relationship with Christ at such a young age. He demonstrated what God the Father’s love is for me. Unlike the cliché saying of “my father catches me when I fall,” that is not necessarily true; however, my dad was there to help me get back up after I fell. I chose to make decisions that I knew might backfire on me and my father would offer his council, but he didn’t try to force me to see everything his way. When I call and tell him he was right, he doesn’t shove it in my face, instead he offers me grace. He doesn’t need to say you messed up because I am already living out the consequences.
On the other hand my mom gave me a spirit of adventure. Though I am definitely a planner, I also like to just go out and just live it up. As a kid I remember crawling up in my parent’s bed and asking her to tell me stories about her childhood. I think it is my mom more than anyone that gave me a love for telling stories. It is a gift to be able to tell a good personal story. I have met people that have lived interesting lives, but they don’t know how to express it or make you feel what you felt in that moment. My mom taught me by example what details to include and highlight to capture an audience and bring that moment back to life. The more I learn about her the more I realize I am like her in that way. Last summer we went to New York together and her childhood friend/sister Vicki shared how my mom would do comic routine of her Irish mother talking about Olay products. In my group of friends I can definitely break that out. I remember when I had bells palsy, a fun illness that makes half your face go paralyzed for six weeks, I would go to the mall and tell people I got botox just to see their expressions, while my friends are trying not to laugh at my ridiculous antics.
Another thing my mom taught me is that women are more than just their appearances. In a world where flawless skin and a scale that reads 105 pounds are the measures of beauty in a woman most girls fall short. My mom is a beautiful woman both inside and outside that taught me that beauty is what you make of each day and how you allow God to move in your life and stir your dreams to actions. It is about the kindness you give to people that don’t always deserve it and won’t remember to say thank you, it is about smiling at people when you pass them on the street because you never know if you are the only bright face they will pass that day. Growing up my mom and dad didn’t have it easy, but they don’t focus on that or use it as an excuse.
Even though it is Father’s Day today, I decided to write about both my parents. Good parents are a blessing from God and too often I know I forget that. We take advantage of the people that we love the most and the ones who love us the most because we have already attained their love and affirmation. My new goal is to appreciate the people who pour love into my life and not focus on ‘earning’ love from others. Today give your dad a call and remind him how awesome he is and what he brings to your life. If you live with your dad run up and give him a huge hug. Also there are men out there that are not our fathers or dads in general, but they provide us that same type of connection to the Father’s love and they should be appreciate and savored. I am grateful for celebrations like Father’s Day because they remind me to take time and appreciate love in all its forms. God really must be big because after all He is Love and Love is…WOW!
He loves me as Sarah
For so long I have been 'surrendering' my life to God. Tonight I realized how many problems that phrase can cause. In my mind, unconsciously, it presented God as this all-powerful figure that despises me. See if you think about it, surrender is a term that is used in history lectures to describe the action committed by the losing side to the winning side a.k.a the one they fought against, their enemy. Now I understand why I have been so resentful. I kept looking at it as me losing. If you know me, you know I HATE losing. I have never met a person, who says "yea losing is so much better than winning. I hate that rush winning gives you. Nah, give me that complete rush of disappointment!" Yea right! See having a relationship with Christ is not what that is about. God is not our enemy. We aren't losing. By choosing Christ you actually win!
God doesn't hate us. He despises the sin within us. He hates how it causes us unrest and pulls us further away from His redeeming love. Our battle is not against God. The battle is against the sin inside of each us. It is against the voice that says God could never love you. It is against the voice that tells you to run from God and find satisfaction in the physical, in the now. God is our ally. No, He is even more than that. He is the 'secret weapon.' We only win because of what He offers. For so long this has been me: "Okay God... I guess I will go ahead and do this even though I think I would be happier if I were on the same track as that person (pointing randomly) or if You prepped me a little bit better. Hey, why do I have to do this again?" The sad thing is I am not even kidding. For so long I have lived in this pit of self pity (maybe that is why the word pity has the word pit in it...hmm...very interesting). When I prayed to God at night I prayed for everyone and knew that He would come through for them, but I wouldn't give Him my heart or any of my desires. I held back the big things. See in my head I changed all the Bible verses to exclude me. For example, "Delight in God and He will give you the desires of your heart...however if this is Sarah born on Pentecost Sunday of 1987 this excludes you."
Even though I grew up singing songs like what "A Friend We Have in Jesus" I forgot that Jesus wanted to be my friend. Overtime He developed into the Big Bully on the playground, when He has actually never been that. It has been Satan that has fed me those lies and I ate 'em up like apple pie. Surrendering to God really means letting Jesus come into the fortress of your heart. Not so two warring sides can agree to terms for a treaty; no, He comes in and offers Himself. He already died for us. Really what more can I ask Him to do? Jesus is NOT the enemy. He is the Savior. He is my Savior. He didn't come to steal, kill, and destroy. Nope that is Satan. Also on a side note I have been reading Harry Potter and in Harry Potter no one likes to say the name Voldemort. Most of the people just want to forget about him. I feel like this is what the Church sometimes does to Satan. Just because you might believe there is no Satan, it doesn't mean he isn't real and that he is not at work. Someone can come up to me on the street and say you don't really exist, guess what it doesn't really stop me from existing on that street and looking at that person like he had way too much to drink! However, what we need to remember is that Satan is not all powerful. God has already defeated Satan. When Jesus Christ died on the cross, His blameless life gave people a choice. People now had the choice to choose eternal life with Him or spend an eternity apart from Him. It shocks me that people choose death over life, but then again people still die from preventable diseases like the measles all because they refuse to receive the vaccination. Then there are people like me who receive the vaccination, but run around in fear that somehow they will catch the measles. That somehow God will become sick of me and not love me.
Tonight I allowed God to see all of me and I stopped caring about trying to look perfect. I stopped trying to be someone else. Heaven didn't open up and the earth didn't shake, but something inside of me felt unchained, unburdened. Jesus, my friend, revealed His love for me and showed me that He doesn't want to battle me or give me plenty of scars so that I can be a good, numb soldier. Instead, He just let me reveal my heart to Him and He lovingly accepted what I had to offer. He loves me as Sarah. What a friend I truly do have in Jesus.
Wait...my favorite verb ever!
The theme of today’s sermon at my parent’s home church was on waiting on God (Wow! Seriously, God you have one awesome sense of humor or my other favorite phrase “That was just way too relevant!”) It is amazing how God uses people, especially pastors, to reach to those who are in need of His words. As a Lit major words are a synonym for life. For me the hardest part of waiting on God is that I can’t always hear Him. Sometimes there are simply no words.
Lately there have been no words. Right now that makes me think of when someone calls my phone and I know I am going to be talking with them in a few minutes I usually don’t pick up. I am a terrible phone person. TERRIBLE! Talking on the phone has never been my cup of tea, instead, I would rather meet you for a cup of tea and talk with you in person :) Maybe God does that with me sometimes. Maybe He is on His way right now and He looks down at His "phone" to see me calling and knows that He is only 5 minutes away, so He will wait until He can see me face to face. To be honest He probably knows that as soon as I hear His voice I am going to start crying hysterically (you know when you have a really bad day and you have your brave face and brave voice going pretty solid and then your mom or dad calls and the whole charade is blown to pieces?!). He waits until He can hold me.
Pastor Mark (I think it is pretty funny how both my parents’ pastor and my pastor is named Mark) talked about impatience is really unbelief in God. It means that you don’t trust God. Over the past few weeks I have slowly had this revelation take place in my heart and mind. See at the beginning of the semester I was feeling so confident in my faith that I actually asked for the opportunity to test my trusting ability (yes I am insane!). Now I am kicking myself cause I realize how much I suck. I can only imagine what my Father is thinking. Thank God He does not think the way we do because in my book I am a failure, but in His book there is hope for me. My journey is only beginning. The one thing I am grateful to the waiting times in my life for is they show me how much I need Christ for everything (by now I would really think this would be branded in my mind, but nope like a sheep my brain capacity is completed stunted).
God does have a perfect plan for my life. I can’t jump ahead or doubt what He is doing. I will have faith that He will deliver me like He has in the past. I know that He wants the best for all of His children. When we need Him most He is there. We just don’t have the eyes to see Him. It reminds me of an activity book I had as a kid. It had this special pen filled with “invisible” ink. If you looked at the paper it looked like no one had ever touched it, but if you used a magical highlighting pen or some tool like that the invisible ink appeared. Right now in my life I would really like that magical highlighting pen to see all that God has written on my life, but now is the time for faith and trust that the invisible will be made known. God will highlight it when the time is right. Right now God is at work in the background of every individual’s life. He is looking to form a relationship with us or to go deeper in that relationship. He is looking to show us the depths of His love. He is fighting the fire-breathing dragons that scald and burn us. One day all will see His majesty and know the price He paid for our salvation. On my 22nd birthday I am still just discovering how deep God’s love is for His children. He will never leave nor forsake me. That is the best birthday present ever!
I took a walk around campus on Thursday, and these were some of my thoughts:
FSU has some awesomely amazing trees for a treehouse. Walking up to the capital and back I saw so many! A treehouse is just one of those things that I never had as a kid and still have a fascination with as a 'grown up' (I may have reached my full physical height, but I still have a looooong way to go in Christ!). Growing up in NY city, treehouses are a rare breed. However, the one thing New York City has is some of the greatest parks in the world (I can say this now cause I have been to quite a few places and New York parks are still the best, though London's parks especially St. James hold a special spot in my heart). When I moved to my neighborhood in the Bronx, they had just renivated it, so they put in brand new jungle gyms, swing sets, slides, basketball courts, racquetball courts, and so on. My favorite feature, though, was the sprinklers. They were in the shape of 2 frogs and they spit gushes of water out of their mouths. I actually spent one of my birthday there with a group of my friends. I think it was my 8th birthday, but I don't really remember because those ages kind of merge together to create one universal age of childhood. Anyways, those sprinkers on a hot July day were the saviors of my hot red (I'm Irish, so more like purple) skin. It amazes me how a day in the park, a day out in nature with God still restores me. Over spring break I went to the park a couple of times, and it is so much fun soaring toward the sky on a swing. The park I live near is right next to a main road, and I always start to laugh when I think about all these passerbys seeing this 5'10 girl getting so much delight out of a swing. What can I say I love the sensation of flying :)
Those thoughts made me remember that verse about God wanting us to be like children as we approach His kingdom (check out Mark 10:13-16). I get what that means after spending some time on a swing and taking time in my busy afternoon to walk around and look at the trees as huge fortresses like I did as a child. Sometimes I get lost in all the things that have to get done that I forget about my heart and its wishes. Thank God I serve the One who does not forget and who speaks directly to it. He awakens my inner child, the one who didn't concern herself with where she would be next year or what the next 20 years would hold for her. She just wanted to live. That is the message that God shared with me and I want to share with you: Don't forget in all the business to take the time to live. It is that whole idea that when people find out they are dying, which in a way we all are because none of us are guaranteed the rest of today let alone tomorrow, they wish for more time to spend with family and friends. They want more time to interact heart with heart, not more time to make that first million. I love how Disney I sound lol, but seriously when God leads our hearts we need to follow, otherwise we miss out. I could spout on more and more about this, but instead I am going to take my own advice and follow my heart out the door to this glorious day that the Lord has made!
Thank God...for God!!
Lately I have been feeling really good. I have been struggling with some reoccurring issues the last few weeks, but a couple of days ago God's voice finally broke through and got my full on attention. Before I left to come back to Tallahassee, I decided to check out the devotionals at the Daily Bread website. The focus was on Romans 8 and these two verses struck me and my situation:
26In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.
So many times I find myself wrestling with what I am supposed to pray for. Do I pray for what I truly want or do I need to pray for the strength to live without it? It is so comforting to know that the Holy Spirit goes through the pain with me and knows how to pray for me because He knows what I need. These simple words gave me complete trust in God. In the past my favoirte verse was Jeremiah 29:11, but over time it slowly lost its meaning for me. Sure God knows the plans He has for me, but I felt completely helpless and utterly alone in my pain. Yet in Romans the Holy Spirit struggles and groans more than I do with my requests. He puts my deep longings into words and presents them to the Father. He knows God's will and intercedes for me to Him.
This week is going to be a tough one, but at least I know that I am not alone in tackling all the work.
Also I know I need to be more open to God's will and how it may differ from my own plans. I am terrible at letting things go. Being open and vulnerable (meaning that I just might end up flat on my face) is not really my strong suit. It seems when I want and need to be vulnerable and open the most I shut up and enforce my master fortress of apathy. I have this great complex of believing that I don't deserve what I want most and when God says 'go for it' I somehow end up running in the other direction. So that is just completely frustrating. But it's all good because I know my God is good and I can now say with full confidence I trust in Him and know firsthand that He will deliver me from this like He delivered me from all my other insane wrestling matches.
